1. DISCLOSES FEELINGS AND PROBLEMS

HOW DISCLOSING HELPS, AND HOW TO SUPPORT IT

1      /__/ Will tell own feelings and ideas to other kids

            Most kids feel better if they can tell someone when they have a problem.

            But a few kids cope OK even if they don't talk much about what's  bothering them.

            Maybe your son or daughter talks to other people more than to you. Take comfort that at least they are talking to someone. Here are some reasons kids might not talk to a parent:
            They may think they are too old to need to talk to you. Tell them they are never too old.

You may not listen enough. Try listening more, talking less.

You may give them too many ideas. Try offering only one or two ideas.

You may scold them or punish them too much when they tell you something they did wrong. Talk to your kids about what would be a fair punishment.

Also, give rewards for good work.

            Kids need to talk to a parent when a brother, sister, or friend is getting into serious trouble. This may make the other kid angry, but the parent needs to know. (See also items 11-19)

2      /__/ Will tell own feelings and ideas to parent, other adult

3      /__/ Will tell parent or teacher if unable to do school work after trying hard

4      /__/ Will tell the truth about own feelings, good or bad

5      /__/ Will tell about funny things, or own good work in school, at work, or in community

6      /__/ Will tell a parent when gets in trouble at school, around home, in town

7      /__/ Will tell a friend, teacher, other adult when gets in trouble at school, around home, in town

8      /__/ Will tell his/her troubles to another kid

9      /__/ Will tell a parent when brother or sister gets in trouble at school, around home, in town

10   /__/ Will admit own mistakes or trouble to himself, herself (Does not pretend to self that bad things did not happen)

If a child or teen will talk about mistakes, then they have admitted them to themselves.

11   /__/ Will tell parent about dangerous or illegal behavior by brother, sister, other youth (example: skipping school; drinking, lying, drug abuse, stealing, friends getting into  trouble)

Kids may want to keep secrets about other kids' troubles or bad behavior. Explain that these dangers require adult help. No kid should have to keep such things secret, no matter what.

12   /__/ Will tell parent about dangerous or illegal behavior by some adult (example: drinking, drug abuse, stealing)

Some adults want a kid to keep secrets about the adult's bad behavior. This is a destructive thing to do to a youth.

13   /__/ Will tell parent about his or her own dangerous or illegal behavior

Fair rules and rewards for good behavior will help kids to admit when they get into trouble.

14   /__/ Will tell parent about brother, sister, other youth's plans to harm (kill) themselves or others

Teens and parents can find out more about these conditions at the website for the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, http://www.aacap.org/ .

The same website has other sections more specific to depression and anxiety, at the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry site.

For more advice on Numbers 14 - 19, see the sections

"When Kids Talk About Killing Themselves or Others"

And

            "Other Serious Problems"

at the front of the book.

15   /__/ Will tell parent about another adult's plans to harm (kill) themselves or others

16   /__/ Will tell parent about own plan to harm (kill) self or others

17   /__/ Will tell parent about brother or sister being physically or sexually abused

18   /__/ Will tell parent about physical or sexual abuse of self

19   /__/ Will tell parent about physical or sexual abuse of other youth

20   /__/ Will tell parent about own problems, fears, or other emotional symptoms

If most people in the family talk about their feelings, this helps kids see that it's OK

21   /__/ This youth will find an adult who can help if parent can't take care of them (parent is sick, has gone away, is in jail, mentally ill)

Tell kids that there are adults who can help if their parent can't. This person can be at school or in an agency. Ask the youth if their parent beats them or threatens to beat them for telling. Arrange protection for the child, help for the family. If you don't know who to call, look in the phone book for "Help Line" or "Crisis Line."

22   /__/ If parent can't help, this youth will tell some other adult about problems in the family such as bad fights, beatings, sex abuse

23   /__/ Copes with stress and bad things by praying, writing in diary, or telling self that things will get better

Support a youth's tie to religion or other source of hope. Hope is crucial in coping.

24   /__/ Parent can rely on people in child's life (child's brother, sister, other relative, teacher, neighbor, club leader, coach.) They tell parent about good things child has done or said

Parents need to know what's going on in their kids' lives.

If you don't hear from others about a son or daughter, find out who to talk to. If no one else is close to this youth, get help from a counselor.

25   /__/ Parent can rely on people in child's life (child's brother, sister, other relative, teacher, neighbor, club leader, coach, or police.) They tell parent about bad, dangerous, or illegal things child has done or claimed to have done