Help! Stress Ahead!

LIST OF BAD THINGS OR STRESSES

Some people need reminders of the wide range of stresses that can challenge us. I've collected this list from my own experience, and the experiences of my family, patients, friends, and colleagues. Some items came from lists on the Internet.

Below is a sample of the first 50 items in this list. The entire list covers over 130 items. Not all stresses bother everyone: we each have our personal vulnerabilities.

Keywords: stress, stress list, stress help, find help, disaster, storm, fire, school problem, family move, single parent, overload, bad neighborhood, money problem, parent in military, lost job, e-book by MD

Disasters from the outside world

If a disaster causes strong feelings of fear, anger, depression, or hopelessness we can say that the disaster has caused a personal crisis.

If the person gets through the disaster without those feelings, we don't consider that a crisis for that person.

If the person does not get over their personal crisis, they could develop a stress disorder. You can read more about those problems in other chapters.

First I'll list some of the stresses or disasters coming from outside a family or school classroom. Below that you'll find many examples of stressful feelings affecting kids, classrooms, and families.

To repeat a point from Chapter 5, keep in mind that a challenging event like those on the list can produce growth as well as stress. In fact, resilient families may learn new coping skills from a crisis .

Finding Help for These Problems

There are many reliable websites with up-to-date information on most of the problems in this list. At the link in the left column titled "Books, Pamphlets, Websites, I have listed the sites maintained by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, the American Psychological Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and a number of sites maintained by individuals. Individuals' sites may not be permanent, or updated.

Search for the latest thinking available on the Internet using a search engine such as Google, etc. You can use such search terms as "List of Stresses."

In Chapters 2 and 3 of the book I have indicated strengths that could be useful in handling some of the groups of stresses listed here..

Disasters Coming From Outside the Family or Classroom

In an outside disaster, a family or class is coping with such events as a:
Bad storm

Fire in the home

Forest or grass fire

Flood

Gas leak in pipes under the street or in the house or apartment

Tornado

Hurricane

Earthquake

War, directly affecting one's life, property, or family

Nuclear power plant accident

Road or railroad accident that spills poison

Other hazardous substance spills or releases (such as gasoline, toxic chemical)

Toxic air pollution from nearby source

            That's probably enough to list for outside disasters. The items from here on deal with possible crises that occur.

We will consider crises that occur

In kids (though they can also affect adults)

In kids and families

Mainly between parents or within a single parent

In an adult or a couple without children

Or mainly in the whole family.

School challenges and problems

1            Child or teen gets failing grades in school, or does not perform up to his or her ability; child has learning disability, hyperactivity, etc.

2            Favorite teacher of child or teen in family is leaving or will be absent for some time

3            Child or teen in family has to change to a different school (because family moved, child placed in different program, own school damaged by fire, etc.)

4            Youth in family has had to give up a dream (of further education, of a particular job)

5            Kids in the family are getting picked on by other kids at school (bullying is when one or more kids hit, threaten, make fun of, or harass a kid over and over again. School staff should prevent bullying. Victims of bullying can be in severe mental pain.)

6            A kid in the family is truant from (skipping) school

7            A kid in the family gets into fights, gets suspended or expelled from school

8            School system lacks money, teachers don't stay; school needs new ideas, better ways of teaching, new equipment 

9            Parents or teachers, or both, push kids too hard to excel, put too much pressure on kids; sports and other activities drain too much energy, time, and money 

Changes in family

10            A new baby, child, or teen comes to live with this family 

11            A new adult comes to live with this family

12            Moving to different home or apartment (for any reason)

13            Family moves in with relatives, friends

14            Parent (or grandparent living in this family home) retires from their job

Problems of singles and couples

15            Single parent is raising kids without enough money or emotional support; feel put down or disrespected because they are single

16            Single parent is tired or exhausted much of the time; unable to keep up with housework or yard because devotes time to kids

17            Couple or individual is unable to have children

18            Couple or individual cannot afford to have any kids

19            Couple or individual cannot afford another child

20            Couple or individual has decided not to have children, feeling hurt by those with kids saying kids make life worthwhile, boasting about kids' accomplishments, etc.

21            Couple has had difficulty getting pregnant

22            Couple has had difficulty adopting a child

22A   Parents had kids later in their lives, challenged by problems of middle age combined with child raising

22B   Parents who had worked, or are working, in management get frustrated because raising young kids requires a different approach from what works with employees

22C   Parents unable to learn from others' successful parenting

22D   Parents too caught up in their own life, reputation, and accomplishments, and therefore unable to enjoy their kids

22E   Stress of preparing for retirement or having retired: conflicts about money, where to live, health care, alcohol or drug abuse

Coping with stress, overload

23            Much confusion in family about what to do, how to raise kids, who does what jobs in family

24            Robbery of home

25            Family has trouble with neighbor about noise, trash, pets, kids on property, stealing

26            Neighborhood has gangs, drugs, drug dealers, shootings

27            Family lives in unsafe house, apartment, shelter, or neighborhood (examples: fire alarms not working, garbage not picked up, toxic waste nearby)

28            Parent has in-law problems (brother-in-law, sister-in-law, grandparents): arguments, conflicts, fights, tension that prevent this family from getting help and support from those relatives

29            It's been hard for the family to remember how they coped with past crises; parents get anxious and depressed from the combined demands of family, job, relatives

30            The family or single individual has had too many things to cope with all at once, too much stress to handle

31            Grandparents live too far away to help this family; region lacks good, affordable child care

32            Grandparents unable or unwilling to handle stress or cost of helping this family

33            Family members are overtired, irritable form overwork and stress; parents fail to know enough about their own feelings and motives to do their job with kids effectively (Example: take out their frustrations on kids when it's not the kids' fault)

34            Family has stress at times of holidays or vacations (gets into more fights, gets depressed, has to see relatives they don't get along with)

35            Family (or class) finds out one of the kids is attracted to same sex; or that the kid thinks he or she may be homosexual, gay, lesbian, queer, bisexual, or of wrong gender

Job and money problems

36            Parent or teen loses his or her job, changes to different job

37            Parent or teen takes out large loan or mortgage, piles up too much credit card debt, burdened by college loans, overspends

38            Dwelling is too small, or has too few beds, broken locks and plumbing, too hot or cold, etc.

39            Family loses house or apartment, goes to homeless shelter

40            Family frequently runs short of money for food, rent, heat, etc.; lives in poverty

41            Family member makes major job change, gets worse or better job (better job could be more stressful)

42            Family member has bad work conditions (low pay, too-little emotional or other support and help; bad shift or changing shifts too often, pressure, deadlines, danger, noise, heat/cold, dust, poisons, toxic materials, interruptions, threat of being fired, bad boss, boredom, frustration, poor training, etc.)

43            Family member works long hours on job 

44            Family member has to bring unfinished work home

45            Family member in military, merchant marine, has to be away, is in danger

46            Job is not secure, could be fired or let go at any time

47            Long commute to work, or work as migrant laborer away from home

48            Conflict with boss or others at work

49            Family member always on call (pager, cell phone, email)

50            Political system fails to meet needs for job security, health care, retirement

That gives you a sample of the stresses in this chapter. In the book,  Stressed Family, Strong Family, I discuss ways of coping with various stresses.